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Purposeful Relationships

21 May 2010 52 Comments

When my oldest child was a toddler I felt very alone. My husband took our only car to work each day and I was stuck at home with few friends and little support. These were the days of dial-up internet and 14k modems, so finding support on the web was not an option.

We moved shortly after our second child was born and I joined a mom’s bible study at my church. What a difference that group of ladies made in my life! We met only twice a month, but I looked forward to those meetings. It was wonderful to talk, ask questions, get advice, and support from people who were going through exactly what I was going through! That bible study met a need during my early years as a mom.

The problem with that mom’s bible study was that we were all in the exact same season of life. We all had babies and toddlers, there were very few moms who had kids out of elementary school. There was very little “mom” experience in that group.

Fast forward to a few years ago. I was finally able to plug-in to a group with experienced, veteran moms. These moms had kids who were in college, some of them were even grandmothers! These moms have influenced and enriched my life beyond belief. I am thankful to have wise women who have befriended me, helped show me the ropes, and encouraged me in motherhood.

At first it might seem odd to seek out women who are 10 or 15 years older, and who from the outside, seem like they might not have much in common with you. But trust me, there are some things about motherhood that never change and these women are walking encyclopedias. Many of these women would love to have a young mom to mentor or encourage.

If you are an older more experienced mom seek out younger moms, they need the support! Many people live far from their families, so the days of walking over to Grandma’s house for some advice or help just doesn’t exist for many families. You can be their home away from home.

Be purposeful in your relationships. Give and serve when you can, and surround yourself with people who can help you grow.

Toni is a wife, mom, blogger and member of the BornFree Mom Panel.

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52 Comments »

  • Amie said:

    I call my mom!

  • Amie said:

    I shared

  • Jessica E said:

    I was in your shoes with my oldest, but now that I am older I have joined support groups which have helped me through so much. Thanks for the encouraging thoughts.

  • Jessica E said:

    I shared

  • Michelle said:

    Absolutely my husband! (unless the advice i need has to do with him – wink, wink…. then I call my mom & sisters ;) but My hubby knows me best and always gives me the best advice. I married him for a reason ;)

  • kristen said:

    I am very lucky my mom is my best friend so I call her!!!!!

  • kristen said:

    Ishared!!!!!

  • Lisa Michael said:

    First my hubby. If need additional advice, my mom.

  • Lisa Michael said:

    Shared!

  • Leslie S said:

    Mom rocks at the top of my list followed by a good friend who is now grandma to four!

  • Leslie S said:

    I shared…or rather, I liked! ;)

  • melissa brown said:

    i turn to my good friends

  • melissa brown said:

    i shared

  • Yosellice A said:

    I always call my mom…if mom doesn’t know I ask my mother-in-law

  • Katy said:

    When I need advice I go to my mom or husband. Many situations call for different solutions and sometimes advice from more than one person is best.

  • Katy said:

    I also shared! :)

  • Elly said:

    I turn to my mom and good friends for advices. Blogs are helpful too.

  • Elly said:

    I shared :)

  • Purposeful Relationships said:

    [...] Read more of my article about purposeful relationships over on the BornFree Mom site. [...]

  • nikki said:

    I call girls from my bible study – great support!

  • mistie said:

    i am IN this place in my life only i have no one to call..i just cry to a bear that was given to me by my daddy when i was a little girl.

  • mistie said:

    i liked

  • mistie said:

    i shared..

  • Evy said:

    I’m in the same group as Toni and have the exact same experience. The fact that my closest family lives an 8 hour flight away, can be very difficult at times. But those more experienced moms – inluding Toni :) – are my ‘mom’ when I need help!

  • Evy said:

    I liked!

  • Christy said:

    I call my mom, sister, or other friends. Sometimes I google. =)

  • Christy said:

    I shared!

  • Elizabeth Keller said:

    My three sisters and mom. From the other comments, it sounds like family reigns in this department!

  • Elizabeth Keller said:

    Shared on FB!

  • justine said:

    being a military spouse, we have a souses group. through that group i have become good friend with a mother of 3 under 10, a mother of 3 ages 7-17, and a mother of 2 in middle school. they have been so much support from the time bella was born in december to now. you’re right, a group of women makes all the difference.

  • Christine McKenzie said:

    I always turn to my mother in law! Also, I have a group of friends that all have children right around the same age as my son. While none of us are ‘veterans’, it really helps to know that you aren’t the only one going through a particular thing…at least hopefully. :)

  • Christine McKenzie said:

    I shared!

  • Jessica said:

    I ask my dear group of online friends, we met when we were pregnant with my oldest! We’ve met in person several times and I love them dearly.

  • Jen N said:

    My mother has been one of the most influential people in my life. We have laughed and cried together, it only makes sense that I would call on her when life hands me some lemons… or kids :) She is old fashioned and we do occasionally butt heads, but it helps to have that point of view. She is definately from a time when raising kids was not “by the book”, and in today’s world where most are striving for perfection, it’s nice to reminded of a simpler time when kids were allowed to just be kids. Thanks mom!

  • Jen N said:

    I shared!

  • Carlee said:

    I always call my friend Debbie. She’s like a mom to me. And, she has a doctorate in nursing, so I am always confident about following her advice. You are right about older women and younger women supporting one another! Debbie is about 25 years older than me, and has “been there, done that” so she helps me relax about things a little! :)

    Also, I shared!

  • Shannon said:

    I talk to my friend on the Nest, and I always ask my mom!

  • Shannon said:

    I liked this too!

  • angela tuttle said:

    I turn to mom I know that have similar parenting styles and a knowledge and awareness for the same things that are important to me!

  • angela tuttle said:

    I shared

  • Michelle Bunn said:

    My experience has been that the younger don’t want advise. And even if they ask they do what they want anyway. It would be great to have a relationship where that actually happened and worked.

  • Michelle Bunn said:

    I ” like”… I pushed the like button! The teethers would be great for my Grandson!

  • Michelle Bunn said:

    I shared as well!!

  • Becky L. said:

    I have found through the years that older women, mostly from church, are as great a friend as friends my age. They have helped me with child rearing issues and marriages issues as well. I am now a grandma and I love it and share help when asked.
    It’s amazing that children are in their classes with same age groups but when we grow up and work, we work with people of all ages. And we can still get along!

  • Julie A. said:

    I turn to my sister and husband! I love both of them and I know that they would never lie to me. Not to mention I feel comfortable talking with them and it helps that we are all close in age.

  • Julie A. said:

    I “Like” this on facebook!

  • Lucia Storms said:

    I liked
    I am a mother of 2 girls, aged 22 months and 7 months. I was born and raised in Europe and got married to an American 3 years ago. My husband works away from town and is gone a whole work week at a time. I am home alone with my two girls, with no other family or friends around.
    However, I always feel that I am just a phone call away from my mom, who is my best friend. She is there for me, for advice, good news, a shoulder to cry on, support, everything….

  • Erin said:

    I always go to my mom too. She always gives me advice, understands what I’m going through, and is honest. Other than mom, I go to my mommy friends, they are lifesavers !!

  • Erin said:

    I “like” on Facebook.

  • Jessica said:

    I usually call my sister. She is 10 years older than I am and has kids from ages 10 – 2. She has a lot of hard won common sense and has always given me great advice! Unfortunately she lives 3 hours away so the opportunities to run over and chat over coffee pretty much never happen.

  • Beth said:

    I call my best friend :)

  • Beth said:

    I shared on fb

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