Same Journey, Different Road by Jill Krause
Only 8 weeks into my second pregnancy and I’m already surprised at how different it is from my first. There are some similarities, of course, like food aversions and all day sickness that makes me feel like I might puke at any minute, but never do. The suspense just kills me. Will I or will I not toss my cookies today?
Different from my first pregnancy, though, I’m not nearly as tense, anxious and worried. I’m not as neurotic about what I’m eating or what time of day I take my prenatal vitamins. Of course, I’m also not spotting nearly every day, like I did the first time around (consistently weeks 5-9), so that really helps with the whole “not worrying” thing.
And I’m not sure if it’s because my body’s already been through this before, or if it’s because I’m spending my days chasing a high energy 2 year old instead of resting and relaxing, but I feel MUCH more pregnant this time around. I look more pregnant, I’m really, really tired, and I feel like all the symptoms are hitting me much earlier and harder.
All these differences so early make me think about all the differences to come, and honestly, it scares me. I had a pretty great pregnancy last time, and a fantastic birth experience. Those are 2 things I’d hate to see go any different, but I just worry I won’t be that lucky this time around. Now, I would be quite happy to end up with a better postpartum recovery and would be thrilled if Baby 2.0 didn’t come with colic, but I sort of want everything else to be the same… and I know it probably won’t be.
On top of all that, well, I think my first-born is absolutely perfect. Who doesn’t think that of their first-born? And thinking of a baby that’s completely different from him, I don’t know, it just scares me a bit. What if the next one is skinny and hates to eat? I don’t think I’ll know what to do with a baby that doesn’t LOVE all food. What if a white noise machine can’t soothe the next one? What if the next one hates to be swaddled? I guess I’ll just have to figure it all out like I did the last time, except with even less sleep than I had back then and a toddler marching to the Fresh Beat Band in the background.
There are exciting differences on the horizon, though. It’s fun to think of the next one looking completely different and wondering who he/she will favor. It’s fun to wonder what their temperament will be, what kind of sense of humor they will have. Those are the differences I’m trying to focus on, reminding myself that one way or the other, this experience, same or different, will be just as fabulous.
Jill Krause is a BornFree Panel member and blogger.