Before I Was a Mom by Jill Anderson
I never knew that you could love something that was a tiny spec on an ultrasound machine. I never knew you could love something so fiercely that I only knew through the sound of a heartbeat through a Doppler. I never knew I could love something that gave me heartburn, kicked me in the ribs and made me generally miserable. I never knew I would love something that would give me stretch marks, varicose veins and saggy…..well saggy everything.
I never would have been able to comprehend how a little person who offered me very little in return could so quickly become the center of my universe. I never knew that I would stand over their cribs at night and weep because I wanted so much for them and knew I would fail them.
I never knew that having a second child wouldn’t diminish my love for my first in any way. And the third after that. I didn’t know that the heart grows instead of divides. I worried that I might love one child more than the other and although there are definitely times when I like one more than the other (I mean let’s be real), I know nothing on earth could make me love either one any less.
I never realized how much it would hurt to watch my child suffer while I am helpless to do anything. And I didn’t fully understand the constant parental tension between wanting to protect my children from every possible hurt in life and knowing that hurt is what allows growth. I didn’t know that that tension would make me feel sick to my stomach and keep me up at night.
I never knew that I would be so fulfilled in changing diapers, folding onsies, singing nursery rhymes and playing UNO for the 243rd time. But I also never realized how little patience I had, how quickly my temper can flare and how many times a day I would screw up. But thankfully, I never knew how resilient and forgiving children are. And I never realized how all can be set right again with a heartfelt sorry and a little voice saying, “I forgive you mommy. I wuv you.”
Author of The Diaper Diaries