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Before I Was a Mom by Jill Anderson

22 March 2010 21 Comments

I never knew that you could love something that was a tiny spec on an ultrasound machine. I never knew you could love something so fiercely that I only knew through the sound of a heartbeat through a Doppler. I never knew I could love something that gave me heartburn, kicked me in the ribs and made me generally miserable. I never knew I would love something that would give me stretch marks, varicose veins and saggy…..well saggy everything.

I never would have been able to comprehend how a little person who offered me very little in return could so quickly become the center of my universe. I never knew that I would stand over their cribs at night and weep because I wanted so much for them and knew I would fail them.

I never knew that having a second child wouldn’t diminish my love for my first in any way. And the third after that. I didn’t know that the heart grows instead of divides. I worried that I might love one child more than the other and although there are definitely times when I like one more than the other (I mean let’s be real), I know nothing on earth could make me love either one any less.

I never realized how much it would hurt to watch my child suffer while I am helpless to do anything. And I didn’t fully understand the constant parental tension between wanting to protect my children from every possible hurt in life and knowing that hurt is what allows growth. I didn’t know that that tension would make me feel sick to my stomach and keep me up at night.

I never knew that I would be so fulfilled in changing diapers, folding onsies, singing nursery rhymes and playing UNO for the 243rd time. But I also never realized how little patience I had, how quickly my temper can flare and how many times a day I would screw up. But thankfully, I never knew how resilient and forgiving children are. And I never realized how all can be set right again with a heartfelt sorry and a little voice saying, “I forgive you mommy. I wuv you.”

Jill Anderson
Author of The Diaper Diaries

21 Comments »

  • Laurie Carantit said:

    I never knew that having two girls would be as much fun and rewarding as I had always hoped. I am truly blessed and love them more and more every single day.

  • Dena Collman said:

    Well since the question is “before I was a Mom” I can answer this one…since I didn’t give birth to my 3 son’s I adopted them! I can say that I never believed I could be so proud, happy, grateful, astonished, over joyed, love, heart skips a beat, consumed, over protected of my boys. My 6 months twins and 2 /1/2 year old are MY boys no matter how… See More they came into our lives…biologically or not they were meant to be our babies:) I wouldn’t want it any other way…I wound NOT change a thing about how I became a mommy! I would have never believed I could love someone so much ♥

  • Leslie S said:

    Before I was a parent, I never knew I would read so many parenting blogs! =) Prior to parenthood, little did I know that my toddler would mimic my “chicken stance” (hand on hips) when I lost patience with him. I quickly learned to laugh at myself – and calm down – by just imitating a chicken when it happens. We both get a good laugh over it and it helps remind me that he’s still learning the ins and outs of life.

  • Leslie S said:

    I shared!

  • Jen Hartwig said:

    I never thought you could know the meaning of life… until I gave birth to my beautiful little girl. Now I know.

  • Michelle Bunn said:

    I never knew I could love someone so deeply and that that love could bring so much joy and so much pain when they make decisions that will bring sure pain and destruction to their lives. It not only keeps you up at night, it takes over every fiber of your being at times. It builds a trust in the Lord I could have never imangined.

  • Heather T said:

    i never knew how much you would ache wanting to take all the pain away from them because you know you can’t always do that.

  • Summer said:

    We are still ttc. I would of never thought, it would take so long for us to get preggo. I know that I am not alone though. What a great post.

  • Sarah said:

    Before I was a mommy I never thought that I could be so patient, especially on no sleep! But its so worth everything that we give up and everything that is so hard when they smile at you!

  • Amanda said:

    I never knew having a little girl would mean my heart is now walking on the outside of my body. I never knew that long nights and short days would make me love her even more. I never knew how much I depended on my husband to help me be a better, stronger mother. I never knew that someone would look so much like me…and act so much like me…and not be me. I never knew that I could love someone so much that I would fight for her, love for her, die for her…and live completely for her.

  • melissa brown said:

    I never knew I could love something that gave me heartburn, kicked me in the ribs and made me generally miserable. I never knew I would love something that would give me stretch marks, varicose veins and saggy…..well saggy everything.

  • Kat said:

    Before I became a mom, I didn’t want to be a mom. Our baby was a little surprise conception and I was shocked, terrified, and disappointed (shamefully). I never knew that I’d love being a mom. Before I was a mom I thought I was too selfish to want ot care for anyone but myself. I never knew I was cut out to handle all the ways she has changed my life. I never knew my husband and I could still love each other as much as we love our baby girl. Before I was a mom I thought having a baby would be the end of my life. I never knew that this little suprise would be the best thing that ever happened to.

  • Patty P said:

    I never knew that I could manage to do so many things in the day! I look back now and wonder why my house wasn’t always clean…because now I have virtually no time and can get so many more things done in the day. I love everything that keeps me so busy during the day…even the running around, emptying the dishwasher before my two year old gets to the silverware, folding the laundry before he knocks the piles all over the place, and tucking him in to bed everynight. Being a mom is so much work, but worth every bit of it!

  • Sarah said:

    Jill, this was wonderful!! Such a sweet post for all mamas!

  • justine said:

    Before I was a mommy, I never thought I could be so protective or emotional. Or that I could love anyone so much. I also never knew how much it would change my outlook on life. From how much water I use, to what I put in my body-which of course, goes right to her!

  • justine said:

    i shared!!!

  • Emily said:

    Before I was a mom, I never knew what my mom was always worrying about, now I understand one-thousand times over!

  • dawn said:

    Before I was a mommy, I never thought I could be so protective or emotional. Or that I could love anyone so much. I also never knew how much it would change my outlook on life. From how much water I use, to what I put in my body-which of course, goes right to her! i love being a mommy

  • Elizabeth Smith said:

    I never knew that having children only makes your heart grow exponentially. I am pregnant with my fourth now and still feel my capacity for love expanding daily.

  • Elizabeth Smith said:

    I shared!

  • Kimberly B said:

    I never knew that a little spec on the ultrasound could bring a happy tear to my eye. I never knew what the truest meaning of life was until I saw them for the first time. I never knew how fast they really do grow up after all these years of hearing it, I never believed it. And I never knew I could be this happy with a child who drives me this crazy! haha

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